Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
I am still alive
Hello everyone I thought I might drop a line. Tina and I have been very busy lately. The kids are getting more and more involved in their projects at the we get deeper into the year. Tina and I have decided to form a writing club with one of the ladies with whom Tina works. I have read one of the stories she has written and it is very good I hope to share it with you all soon. Tina and I are very excited about the club. We will only meet one time a month but it will be a chance to meet and learn more about writing and improving our writing skills. The ultimate goal of the club, I hope, for each member will be to write a novel. It doesn't have to be a New York Time's Best Seller but just to complete a project of that size will be quite an accomplishment. No hurry, just to enjoy doing something creative and fun. I hope all of you are doing well and look forward to seeing you all soon.
Love, j
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Thought I would write some make believe. Hope you enjoy.
I was feeling as cold on the inside as I was on the outside, but I have no emotional blankets or physiological heaters to warm me during this winter of my life. Since I was a young child, my parents had extremely opposing views on many issues and in spite of their attempts to make me feel comfortable with their differences; I always felt the pressure to side with one over the other.
My mother was a loving, caring and considerate person who seemed to always put others first. My father, a rough even brutish kind of fellow, believed life is just what you make of it. He was not one to express disappointment, sadness or any of the “weaker” emotions through tears, but rather he saw these emotions as opportunities to learn about ones self and the chance to become stronger through conquering these unbecoming and pointless emotional displays. He was a good man, one of great integrity and reliability. When anyone in the community had a problem, it seemed he was one of the first they would come to for advice or direction. In many ways, I envy my father for being so strong and able to always know just what to do on any occasion.
My mother loved my dad for this emotional uniqueness, but she truly believed he was missing so much with me, because he wasn’t able to communicate on a demonstrative level. I’m not sure I agree. My dad never seemed to miss anything because of his lack of emotional in tuneness. He believed strength, power and control made the measure of a man.
My mother never pressured me to be anything, feel any certain emotion or to have or not have a particular belief or idea. Even if she didn’t completely agree with a decision I made, she was supportive as long as the decision wasn’t self destructive or harmful to others.
I remember once, my mother brought home a kitten for which I could play and take care. My dad wasn’t too thrilled about the whole idea. He said she should have discussed it with him before doing such a thing, because he would have preferred I had a puppy. I had the kitten only for a few days when I found it dead a few feet from the road. The kitten had been hit by a car and killed, then overlooked with more disregard than common trash. For even trash, being blown in the wind is picked up and put in its proper place of discard. My life with a pet kitten was over just like that. I picked the kitten up and ran inside crying. My mother held my head into her bosom, stroked my hair from my eyes trying to explain how bad things happen in life, but it all has reason and purpose, even if we don’t understand it at the time.
When my dad walked into the room, he saw me crying and asked what happened. My mother told him a car had killed the kitten she had gotten me. He told her to come into the other room so they could talk. I could tell my mother dreaded the up and coming conversation. She held my head and looked into my eyes and said, “It will be fine. Sadness is a part of happiness.” She then stood to her feet and then followed my dad into the other room.
I heard my dad tell her she was going to spoil me and I would never learn to be a man, if she didn’t quit coddling me. She stood firm, “Emotions are something with which children must learn to deal, not ignore.” This made my dad furious, “Are you saying I don’t know how to raise my own son?” “No, no,” she replied, “I am just saying perhaps there are things that I can teach him that you can’t and it won’t make him less of a man but a better one.” When she said this, my dad stormed out of the room and to my knowledge the kitten was never mentioned again in our home. As a matter of fact, I would come to possess several puppies throughout the years but never again would I have a kitten while living in my parent’s house.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my dad he always made sure that I knew he loved me even though saying the words didn’t come easy for him. He let me know by the way he was always there for me. I can never remember coming to him with a problem or concern that he didn’t make time to listen to me and give me all the attention he would give one of his friends when talking about the upcoming Superbowl or World Series. He never laughed at my mistakes but rather worked with me to help me overcome them. He never missed a ballgame, Boy Scout meeting or any other of my childhood events unless there was an overwhelming demand for him to be elsewhere. Even then, it was a big deal when he had to miss and he always let me know just how bad he felt for not being there. I am sure most boys would love to have a dad as great as mine. I wouldn’t trade him for any other man I have ever known.
You see it was neither my mother’s nor my father’s individuality that brings my life to this point, but rather the compatibility of these two very different lives. This is the dilemma for me, because once again I am in the position of having to determine exactly how I feel and then choose one side over the other. It seems none of my decisions are based simply on what I want to do, but rather whose side will I take?
Most people have parents that tend to agree on most issues but in my case there were few things that my parents agreed on except to accept each other for their differences. They both liked the Willie Nelson song “Mamma’s don’t let your babies grow up to be Cowboys” but for obviously different reasons. Their incompatible but working union would have been great, even inspirational except that neither wanted to allow the other to take the lead when it came to guiding me towards the philosophical views of life and personal morals by which I would live my life. They were both equally concerned that I learn and adopt the values and morals of their own family heritages. It really made my life miserable in many ways while at the same time I have felt strangely secure in knowing so confidently where my parents stood on issues that many people don’t even realize exist.
For all its worth, I do believe if I could somehow find a way to survive the few remaining months I have before adulthood, I would be all the stronger for it and the cards which have been dealt me would give me a unique perspective by which I could better understand people that I meet throughout my life.
There is still…Oh man! That was too close! I can’t believe I dropped a loaded gun. I have been around guns all my life. How careless could I be? My dad has never quit reminding me about the dangers and responsibilities that those who possess guns must recognize.
If not given the utmost respect, a weapon of any kind can bring about endless and immeasurable hurt, and here I am holding one in my lap thinking about everything in the world except the fact that I possess this potentially deadly force. A stray bullet will cause the same destruction as an intentional one. I couldn’t live with myself nor could I die with any peace, if I accidentally caused the death of another person. Thank goodness, this mistake didn’t end with any such terrible consequence.
I can’t imagine the dreadful pain that would be brought with a misplaced bullet. The thought of a single round tearing through skin, bone and human organs and then still not accomplishing its deadly purpose, that is more terrifying than the thought of death itself. To lie all alone in a pool of your own blood unable to call for help or even commit an act that could crudely bring about some much needed relief.
I think I will just lean it up against here. There, that should be secure and safe until I am prepared to take that next step, if I can muster the courage to do so. I look at it carefully with much appreciation for the engineering and designing that went into putting together such an amazing piece of equipment. I am aware of the vast purposes to which guns have come to realize since the time of their invention. I can share the feeling of joy men must have felt when they were able to more adequately and consistently provide food for their families. The security a gun brought to those who were faced with certain doom, if not for the protection of this marvelous tool, which is able to equalize a vastly unequal situation. I also understand how something of this magnitude can push a person, who is already teetering the edge of mental breakdown, over the edge and into public awareness and controversy. I could understand how this harmless but still most harmful of all man-made things could deserve such great attention by the authors of our great and noble constitution. I understand how the issue is misunderstood on both sides of this great debate, this detail of my thoughts, of course, brings me back to my own backyard.
My mother believes guns have caused, by far, more pain and death than any other single or collective purpose. Then of course, my dad who has no hidden feelings about any political issues, believes even if you disregard all of the joyous uses of guns, the hurt brought about by the their use has, for the most part, been part of a bigger picture, a picture of freedom and independence. The majority of the deaths guns have caused are a necessary evil in order to provide and maintain the things we in this country so thoughtlessly and effortlessly enjoy.
My dad had a younger brother who was killed in the first Persian Gulf War. I never saw him shed a tear during that time, but my mother told me she had never seen him so upset about anything for as long as she has known him. I remember him standing at attention and saluting during news broadcasts when they would announce the names of the latest fallen soldiers. After the violence came to an end, he didn’t do that anymore, but still he salutes the picture of Uncle Chase in his Marine uniform often when he walks by it. I have tried to talk with him about Uncle Chase at times and when he speaks about their days as mischievous youngsters, his eyes brighten and his tail wags furiously but when he approaches the end… well, he starts getting angry and then finally looks at his watch and says he forgot to do this thing or that thing and then hurries out of my presence. I quit asking and he quit telling.
There is so much I would love to know about my dad, but I suppose my mother might say the same thing. She has always been one who could express her feelings well. I knew when she was mad, when she was frustrated, when she was lonely or when she was just emotional for no reason at all. I’m really not that perceptive but my mother would just tell me these things. She has never kept things bottled up inside of her and I guess that would be another point of which my mother adores my dad. He always listened to her the same as he would me. I guess he saw it as his duty as the father and husband, though I am sure my mother viewed it more as his duty as a member of our family. She always tried to make him understand that she wanted to be there for him in this same way, but he just never would talk or complain about anything that bothered him. It was his cross to bear, at least he thought. Of this, I am sure he was wrong. I wish he could learn to trust my mother and me so he wouldn’t feel the need to be so isolated with his emotions.
A family is a multi-input unit. Dad, I wish you could see this for what it is. Mom would love it and it would bring the two of you so much closer. I know you would think this is just sissy talk. Men must be men! Who else will do the job?
I think that is why I am here today and I know how today will of necessity end. I can’t be the kind of man you want me to be. I don’t see everything so black and white. I do respect you; because I know you do what you do out of conviction and not just years of tradition. Though I hold your loyalty to tradition with great honor. I know how much you wanted your son to be like you, but I just don’t think I am. Mom, will feel the hurt you feel, because that is just her nature. She always shares in the pain of others even if her own pain is more than she can bear. I think somehow by sharing in the painful moments of other people mom is better able to deal with her own.
She is an amazing woman! Dad, she is equally remarkable as you, just in a different way. I know you have never seen her to be weak as a person, but to the contrary, you have always respected her because she was able to stand up to you when she really felt you were wrong about something, anything. In spite of your overwhelming confidence you never intimidated that little 120-pound woman. Isn’t that what you really want from me? I hope you can realize what you have really taught me over the years, to be someone of courage and conviction, and not just someone who upholds the manly rituals of time. Times change but the principles you have given me to live by never will.
It is for this reason; I must allow this beautiful creature of God to leave my presence unharmed. I cannot kill an animal just because the men in our family have always been “Great Hunters.” I know how important it is to you to uphold this very important step into adulthood, but I just wouldn’t feel right about doing it. I am not opposed to killing, if it is to truly provide for you family, but I don’t see the sport in it.
I hope you can understand, dad. You know when I think about it, I guess you have always understood. I guess I have this fear that you or mom won’t appreciate my views when they differ from your own. I know that fear is completely unfounded but is largely due to the fact I love you both so much and would never deliberately disappoint either of you. You have both always made me feel so loved. I am so greatly blessed by the honor of being raised by such greatness from both sides of tradition and progression. I love you both!
Your son.
My mother was a loving, caring and considerate person who seemed to always put others first. My father, a rough even brutish kind of fellow, believed life is just what you make of it. He was not one to express disappointment, sadness or any of the “weaker” emotions through tears, but rather he saw these emotions as opportunities to learn about ones self and the chance to become stronger through conquering these unbecoming and pointless emotional displays. He was a good man, one of great integrity and reliability. When anyone in the community had a problem, it seemed he was one of the first they would come to for advice or direction. In many ways, I envy my father for being so strong and able to always know just what to do on any occasion.
My mother loved my dad for this emotional uniqueness, but she truly believed he was missing so much with me, because he wasn’t able to communicate on a demonstrative level. I’m not sure I agree. My dad never seemed to miss anything because of his lack of emotional in tuneness. He believed strength, power and control made the measure of a man.
My mother never pressured me to be anything, feel any certain emotion or to have or not have a particular belief or idea. Even if she didn’t completely agree with a decision I made, she was supportive as long as the decision wasn’t self destructive or harmful to others.
I remember once, my mother brought home a kitten for which I could play and take care. My dad wasn’t too thrilled about the whole idea. He said she should have discussed it with him before doing such a thing, because he would have preferred I had a puppy. I had the kitten only for a few days when I found it dead a few feet from the road. The kitten had been hit by a car and killed, then overlooked with more disregard than common trash. For even trash, being blown in the wind is picked up and put in its proper place of discard. My life with a pet kitten was over just like that. I picked the kitten up and ran inside crying. My mother held my head into her bosom, stroked my hair from my eyes trying to explain how bad things happen in life, but it all has reason and purpose, even if we don’t understand it at the time.
When my dad walked into the room, he saw me crying and asked what happened. My mother told him a car had killed the kitten she had gotten me. He told her to come into the other room so they could talk. I could tell my mother dreaded the up and coming conversation. She held my head and looked into my eyes and said, “It will be fine. Sadness is a part of happiness.” She then stood to her feet and then followed my dad into the other room.
I heard my dad tell her she was going to spoil me and I would never learn to be a man, if she didn’t quit coddling me. She stood firm, “Emotions are something with which children must learn to deal, not ignore.” This made my dad furious, “Are you saying I don’t know how to raise my own son?” “No, no,” she replied, “I am just saying perhaps there are things that I can teach him that you can’t and it won’t make him less of a man but a better one.” When she said this, my dad stormed out of the room and to my knowledge the kitten was never mentioned again in our home. As a matter of fact, I would come to possess several puppies throughout the years but never again would I have a kitten while living in my parent’s house.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my dad he always made sure that I knew he loved me even though saying the words didn’t come easy for him. He let me know by the way he was always there for me. I can never remember coming to him with a problem or concern that he didn’t make time to listen to me and give me all the attention he would give one of his friends when talking about the upcoming Superbowl or World Series. He never laughed at my mistakes but rather worked with me to help me overcome them. He never missed a ballgame, Boy Scout meeting or any other of my childhood events unless there was an overwhelming demand for him to be elsewhere. Even then, it was a big deal when he had to miss and he always let me know just how bad he felt for not being there. I am sure most boys would love to have a dad as great as mine. I wouldn’t trade him for any other man I have ever known.
You see it was neither my mother’s nor my father’s individuality that brings my life to this point, but rather the compatibility of these two very different lives. This is the dilemma for me, because once again I am in the position of having to determine exactly how I feel and then choose one side over the other. It seems none of my decisions are based simply on what I want to do, but rather whose side will I take?
Most people have parents that tend to agree on most issues but in my case there were few things that my parents agreed on except to accept each other for their differences. They both liked the Willie Nelson song “Mamma’s don’t let your babies grow up to be Cowboys” but for obviously different reasons. Their incompatible but working union would have been great, even inspirational except that neither wanted to allow the other to take the lead when it came to guiding me towards the philosophical views of life and personal morals by which I would live my life. They were both equally concerned that I learn and adopt the values and morals of their own family heritages. It really made my life miserable in many ways while at the same time I have felt strangely secure in knowing so confidently where my parents stood on issues that many people don’t even realize exist.
For all its worth, I do believe if I could somehow find a way to survive the few remaining months I have before adulthood, I would be all the stronger for it and the cards which have been dealt me would give me a unique perspective by which I could better understand people that I meet throughout my life.
There is still…Oh man! That was too close! I can’t believe I dropped a loaded gun. I have been around guns all my life. How careless could I be? My dad has never quit reminding me about the dangers and responsibilities that those who possess guns must recognize.
If not given the utmost respect, a weapon of any kind can bring about endless and immeasurable hurt, and here I am holding one in my lap thinking about everything in the world except the fact that I possess this potentially deadly force. A stray bullet will cause the same destruction as an intentional one. I couldn’t live with myself nor could I die with any peace, if I accidentally caused the death of another person. Thank goodness, this mistake didn’t end with any such terrible consequence.
I can’t imagine the dreadful pain that would be brought with a misplaced bullet. The thought of a single round tearing through skin, bone and human organs and then still not accomplishing its deadly purpose, that is more terrifying than the thought of death itself. To lie all alone in a pool of your own blood unable to call for help or even commit an act that could crudely bring about some much needed relief.
I think I will just lean it up against here. There, that should be secure and safe until I am prepared to take that next step, if I can muster the courage to do so. I look at it carefully with much appreciation for the engineering and designing that went into putting together such an amazing piece of equipment. I am aware of the vast purposes to which guns have come to realize since the time of their invention. I can share the feeling of joy men must have felt when they were able to more adequately and consistently provide food for their families. The security a gun brought to those who were faced with certain doom, if not for the protection of this marvelous tool, which is able to equalize a vastly unequal situation. I also understand how something of this magnitude can push a person, who is already teetering the edge of mental breakdown, over the edge and into public awareness and controversy. I could understand how this harmless but still most harmful of all man-made things could deserve such great attention by the authors of our great and noble constitution. I understand how the issue is misunderstood on both sides of this great debate, this detail of my thoughts, of course, brings me back to my own backyard.
My mother believes guns have caused, by far, more pain and death than any other single or collective purpose. Then of course, my dad who has no hidden feelings about any political issues, believes even if you disregard all of the joyous uses of guns, the hurt brought about by the their use has, for the most part, been part of a bigger picture, a picture of freedom and independence. The majority of the deaths guns have caused are a necessary evil in order to provide and maintain the things we in this country so thoughtlessly and effortlessly enjoy.
My dad had a younger brother who was killed in the first Persian Gulf War. I never saw him shed a tear during that time, but my mother told me she had never seen him so upset about anything for as long as she has known him. I remember him standing at attention and saluting during news broadcasts when they would announce the names of the latest fallen soldiers. After the violence came to an end, he didn’t do that anymore, but still he salutes the picture of Uncle Chase in his Marine uniform often when he walks by it. I have tried to talk with him about Uncle Chase at times and when he speaks about their days as mischievous youngsters, his eyes brighten and his tail wags furiously but when he approaches the end… well, he starts getting angry and then finally looks at his watch and says he forgot to do this thing or that thing and then hurries out of my presence. I quit asking and he quit telling.
There is so much I would love to know about my dad, but I suppose my mother might say the same thing. She has always been one who could express her feelings well. I knew when she was mad, when she was frustrated, when she was lonely or when she was just emotional for no reason at all. I’m really not that perceptive but my mother would just tell me these things. She has never kept things bottled up inside of her and I guess that would be another point of which my mother adores my dad. He always listened to her the same as he would me. I guess he saw it as his duty as the father and husband, though I am sure my mother viewed it more as his duty as a member of our family. She always tried to make him understand that she wanted to be there for him in this same way, but he just never would talk or complain about anything that bothered him. It was his cross to bear, at least he thought. Of this, I am sure he was wrong. I wish he could learn to trust my mother and me so he wouldn’t feel the need to be so isolated with his emotions.
A family is a multi-input unit. Dad, I wish you could see this for what it is. Mom would love it and it would bring the two of you so much closer. I know you would think this is just sissy talk. Men must be men! Who else will do the job?
I think that is why I am here today and I know how today will of necessity end. I can’t be the kind of man you want me to be. I don’t see everything so black and white. I do respect you; because I know you do what you do out of conviction and not just years of tradition. Though I hold your loyalty to tradition with great honor. I know how much you wanted your son to be like you, but I just don’t think I am. Mom, will feel the hurt you feel, because that is just her nature. She always shares in the pain of others even if her own pain is more than she can bear. I think somehow by sharing in the painful moments of other people mom is better able to deal with her own.
She is an amazing woman! Dad, she is equally remarkable as you, just in a different way. I know you have never seen her to be weak as a person, but to the contrary, you have always respected her because she was able to stand up to you when she really felt you were wrong about something, anything. In spite of your overwhelming confidence you never intimidated that little 120-pound woman. Isn’t that what you really want from me? I hope you can realize what you have really taught me over the years, to be someone of courage and conviction, and not just someone who upholds the manly rituals of time. Times change but the principles you have given me to live by never will.
It is for this reason; I must allow this beautiful creature of God to leave my presence unharmed. I cannot kill an animal just because the men in our family have always been “Great Hunters.” I know how important it is to you to uphold this very important step into adulthood, but I just wouldn’t feel right about doing it. I am not opposed to killing, if it is to truly provide for you family, but I don’t see the sport in it.
I hope you can understand, dad. You know when I think about it, I guess you have always understood. I guess I have this fear that you or mom won’t appreciate my views when they differ from your own. I know that fear is completely unfounded but is largely due to the fact I love you both so much and would never deliberately disappoint either of you. You have both always made me feel so loved. I am so greatly blessed by the honor of being raised by such greatness from both sides of tradition and progression. I love you both!
Your son.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Success and deciet
I have been working at my place of employment now for about a year and 3 months. It is a much different type of environment than I am used to in law enforcement, but one thing remains the same. There are good people and there are bad people.
It amazes me how naive people as a whole are. It seems, in the world today, it is always those whose determination to be successful has reached such evil proportions it contributes nothing conducive to morale health are the ones who end up being our social, political and business leaders. Do we as a people really have such a need to hear what we want to hear, regardless of the truthfulness of it's content, we willingly overlook the endless lies people get caught up in?
I once knew a guy who lied about everything he said, but yet somehow people flocked to him, because he told them how wonderful they were and how talented they were. Honestly, if a guy lies about everything else and he tells you he thinks you are just the greatest guy around, should you REALLY believe him? If you don't believe him, which is probably the best choice, what does he really think of you? Yeah, that's right, he probably thinks your a doofus or more probably a gullible sucker who will believe anything he tells you, while you help make him a success. It's not uncommon.
If most people were able to evaluate things in the true light of factual information, the majority of individuals who hold public office would not hold any position of importance and I mean on the red side or the blue side of the isle. The truth of it is, these deceitful men and women probably wouldn't be a success in any area of their life, but the smoothness of the tongue prevails. It is deceptive and manipulative, but it is the unfortunate evolution of a degenerative people. We really should teach our children the ability to make truthful evaluations rather than the art of making concessions of principle in order to succeed.
Whatever you choose to do, know this, the world will, in almost all certainty, stay its present course into complete and utter desolation. It is a grim picture at best, but to be optimistic in the face of such abundant gloom will not offer any hope of correction, no spark of repentance, and no solution to the falsehood of our existence.
I may never experience success in the way others have, but I hope I never have to hang my head in shame, when confronted with the integrity of my statement.
It amazes me how naive people as a whole are. It seems, in the world today, it is always those whose determination to be successful has reached such evil proportions it contributes nothing conducive to morale health are the ones who end up being our social, political and business leaders. Do we as a people really have such a need to hear what we want to hear, regardless of the truthfulness of it's content, we willingly overlook the endless lies people get caught up in?
I once knew a guy who lied about everything he said, but yet somehow people flocked to him, because he told them how wonderful they were and how talented they were. Honestly, if a guy lies about everything else and he tells you he thinks you are just the greatest guy around, should you REALLY believe him? If you don't believe him, which is probably the best choice, what does he really think of you? Yeah, that's right, he probably thinks your a doofus or more probably a gullible sucker who will believe anything he tells you, while you help make him a success. It's not uncommon.
If most people were able to evaluate things in the true light of factual information, the majority of individuals who hold public office would not hold any position of importance and I mean on the red side or the blue side of the isle. The truth of it is, these deceitful men and women probably wouldn't be a success in any area of their life, but the smoothness of the tongue prevails. It is deceptive and manipulative, but it is the unfortunate evolution of a degenerative people. We really should teach our children the ability to make truthful evaluations rather than the art of making concessions of principle in order to succeed.
Whatever you choose to do, know this, the world will, in almost all certainty, stay its present course into complete and utter desolation. It is a grim picture at best, but to be optimistic in the face of such abundant gloom will not offer any hope of correction, no spark of repentance, and no solution to the falsehood of our existence.
I may never experience success in the way others have, but I hope I never have to hang my head in shame, when confronted with the integrity of my statement.
My son wrote this and found it to be worth reading.
I say you won't do it.
So you set out to prove it.
I say you won't prove it, and then you do it.
I seem surprised,
and then water fills my eyes.
What's wrong? What have you done?
You rode a bull. Havent you won?
Maybe so, but now your gone.
Who cares about the ride. You didn't stay on.
Please come back, and talk to me again.
Please come back, my lovely friend.
Knowing you has been so amazing.
A fire of memories will forever be blazing.
Blazing in my heart, and in the trees.
Blazing in the yard, and in the seas.
Burning in the wind, and in the grass.
Heating the furnace where memories are cast.
I know you're in heaven, living with Jesus,
living for eternity, and living within us.
But I wish I could touch, see, and hear you.
But I can't. Because sooner or later, on the bull, your life you'd give.
You were living in the moment. Not knowing a moment was all you had to live.
I wrote this cuz I want to ride bulls, but if something was to happen. My family and friends would be the ones to pay for it. I hate that, but I'm still gonna ride bulls. Not just to prove that I can or to prove that I'm not afraid to, but because I watch all these guys ride bulls, and I know that thats where I need to be. I want to do it with a passion. But you can bet I'll always be thinkin about what's bound to happen, and what it'll do to my family when it does. Still..........I can't wait to ride bulls.
I want you all to know that Seth actually wrote this several months ago and he has since that time decided not ride bulls due to how it would leave his family. I am very proud of Seth! He is becoming quite the man and is learning to deal with impulses and selfish desires the way a man should. Some people live their whole lives and never learn that; so, here is to my son. A great poem, Seth!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
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Unforgettable Weather
Today the air is filled with bitter cold and the ground is covered with ice. It is a pleasant change for people like me who like a little variation in life. The news is reporting that this storm could be a historical one, if it continues in its predicted course.
As I think back throughout my life, I can remember several times that the weather contributed greatly to the making of an unforgettable memory. The first time I woke up and found twelve inches of snow outside and I couldn't distinguish my car from any other heap of the freshly blown snow drifts is one. It was a very exciting day! On another occasion, I remember camping in the mountains of Colorado with my family and Jason's. The temperature was a pleasant 80 degrees when we got there, but it dropped to fifty below, so it seemed, that night and all we had was a tent and a few blankets, Brrrrrrrrrrr, cold but what a great memory. I remember it raining so hard once, we could only see the blinding reflection of our headlights from off the sheets of water that poured from the skies. On yet another occasion, it was snowing so hard it was like someone had thrown a bright white sheet over our mini-van. Having lost all sense of direction, we could see none of the road ahead and because we were on a rough and narrow mountain road in Colorado, the situation left us but one choice, cease our travels and wait out the storm.
One such recollection is a night when I was working as a patrol deputy with Bastrop County. Bastrop has mostly paved roads that are normally very navigable, but occasionally, no matter how good the roads, God reminds us of his awesome power with the unexpected. The rain had started falling and had increased in intensity over a period of several hours. What seemed at first to be just a needed drink of water for the land, quickly turned into a dangerous situation for many drivers. I know that each of you have heard the warnings of flash flooding. I can not stress to you enough just how dangerous flash flooding is. It just looks as though the water isn't quite deep enough to keep you from being able to pass through safely, but the reality of it is, water can rise so fast that a vehicle can be firmly planted on the road's surface, but before you get across the low water crossing your vehicle is floated and you have now lost all control of your travel and your safety.
Back to this particular night. When water starts rising, law enforcement begins a cycle of checking known low water crossings, and of course, responding to weather related incidents. It was about two-thirty in the morning when I was dispatched to Lower Elgin Road to check out the report of people screaming for help in a flooded area. I came up from the south end of the road while Elgin P.D. and my Partner checked the road coming from the north. The other officers arrived in the area before I did and confirmed there were several terrified voices coming from the darkness in a section of road that was now impossible to drive through due to the high water.
When I arrived, I found a task that was unnerving, to say the least. It was dark and what once was a good road was now more like a fast moving river. It would have been in context with the moment, if there had suddenly appeared a raft full of whitewater explorers, experiencing all of the excitement of controlled danger that Mother nature could muster for such an adventure. But instead of rafts, there were only large limbs and debris being fiercely swept away, and replacing the shrieks and shrills of death-defying thrill seekers, I heard the horrific cries for help coming, from what I could tell, was at least three different people.
There was about a quarter mile of road that was unobtainable by vehicle from either side of the high water. We also knew that there was a ninety degree curve that lay between us, which made the circumstance all the more difficult. I was communicating with the other side by radio. It was difficult to determine exactly where the hopeful pleas for help were coming from or which side was closest to the terrified victims. I was told by my partner, he and the Elgin officers had made the decision to wade in and search the muddy waters on foot due to the uncertainty of how much time there would be before the vehicle and its occupants were swept away to certain doom. I agreed and decided that I would assist in the search from my side of the mayhem.
I removed my gun belt and positioned my patrol car so that I could get the most benefit from the headlights. I then stepped into the chilling waters; this was a spring rain and the temperature was solidly in the fifties this night. About ten yards into the water, it was already up past my waist. The only things I took with me were a flashlight and a radio, of which I had to ensure stayed above the water level. This made balance a little more difficult, but it was still a necessary maneuver. As I took each step, I could feel the increasing pressure trying to sweep me down with the current. I quickly learned it was best to maintain contact with the ground by sliding each foot across the surface of the road to its next position. By doing this, it helped eliminate the possibility of stepping into a hole and losing all balance and control. I had made my way about a hundred yards in and was slightly into the curve, but far enough into it that a clear view of the patrol car was no longer possible. It was completely dark ahead of me and I couldn't see much behind me. Just about that time, I heard someone yell, and it wasn't far from my location.
I shined my flashlight to the right and saw a car that was almost completely obscured by high water, and I could tell that it was sitting on uneven ground because the passenger's side of the vehicle was completely submerged, but the driver's side was higher and from the window up was still above the water. I also saw three adult males sitting atop of the vehicle. They were motioning for me to come over to them, which I thought to be a little strange. I mean, why did they think I was there, did they really think that I just was out for a swim and happened across them. Well, it was bad enough that I had three adult males that I somehow had to get back to safety, but then I saw a fourth head that was hanging across the shoulder of one of the men. It was a little boy, probably about nine years old. I think his face told the story of how we were all feeling, PANICKED!
I made my way over to them, and they were all speaking to me in Spanish, I didn't have a clue as to what they were saying. But after a few brief attempts to communicate, the youngest among us revealed he was bilingual, but I was concerned he was so frightened he wouldn't do a very good job of translating. As it turned out, he was as brave as I could have expected anyone to be in that situation and was able to bridge the gap of communication. I told them exactly how I wanted them to execute each step they took and that I wanted them to line up behind me and to grab the waistline of the back of my pants and the next guy to do the same to the guy in front of him and the last guy to do the same to third guy. I told the boy to get on my shoulders, I would carry him out. He did and I asked him if he could hold my radio and try to keep it so it wouldn't get into the water. I told my fellow cops that I was about to lead them out; so, that they could make their way back to safety as well.
Once I was confident that everyone understood exactly what I expected of them, the five of us then began to make our way slowly back to my patrol car. The boy was crying the whole time in spite of my efforts to keep him calm. He just could never gain full control of his emotions. I'm not sure but I think he may have peed on me while we were making our way back, either that or all of a sudden I was just overtaken by a warm feeling. Either way, considering the deep chill I had in my bones from the cold weather, I found it to be a great relief! The water had started receding by the time we got back within full view of my patrol vehicle, making it easier to reach safety without further incident.
Wow, I was pretty exhausted by this time. When we go out of the water, I turned around and was overcome with hugs by the three men and they were laughing and very relieved. It felt good to be a cop at that particular moment.
The boy didn't do a very good job keeping my radio out of the water; in fact, it was, fortunately, the only casualty of the night. The Elgin Police Officers all received a banquet of appreciation by the City for their part in the rescue. I was reprimanded by my sergeant for the loss of the radio. Huh, it sure is weird the way people think differently about the same set of circumstances. It was worth it just for the hugs and appreciation of those three guys and a little boy.
The following day, upon returning to the stranded vehicle, it was still there unmoved. I suppose they would have survived the ordeal without our assistance. However, the next time any of you come across high water in the roadway, I wouldn't risk it!
As I think back throughout my life, I can remember several times that the weather contributed greatly to the making of an unforgettable memory. The first time I woke up and found twelve inches of snow outside and I couldn't distinguish my car from any other heap of the freshly blown snow drifts is one. It was a very exciting day! On another occasion, I remember camping in the mountains of Colorado with my family and Jason's. The temperature was a pleasant 80 degrees when we got there, but it dropped to fifty below, so it seemed, that night and all we had was a tent and a few blankets, Brrrrrrrrrrr, cold but what a great memory. I remember it raining so hard once, we could only see the blinding reflection of our headlights from off the sheets of water that poured from the skies. On yet another occasion, it was snowing so hard it was like someone had thrown a bright white sheet over our mini-van. Having lost all sense of direction, we could see none of the road ahead and because we were on a rough and narrow mountain road in Colorado, the situation left us but one choice, cease our travels and wait out the storm.
One such recollection is a night when I was working as a patrol deputy with Bastrop County. Bastrop has mostly paved roads that are normally very navigable, but occasionally, no matter how good the roads, God reminds us of his awesome power with the unexpected. The rain had started falling and had increased in intensity over a period of several hours. What seemed at first to be just a needed drink of water for the land, quickly turned into a dangerous situation for many drivers. I know that each of you have heard the warnings of flash flooding. I can not stress to you enough just how dangerous flash flooding is. It just looks as though the water isn't quite deep enough to keep you from being able to pass through safely, but the reality of it is, water can rise so fast that a vehicle can be firmly planted on the road's surface, but before you get across the low water crossing your vehicle is floated and you have now lost all control of your travel and your safety.
Back to this particular night. When water starts rising, law enforcement begins a cycle of checking known low water crossings, and of course, responding to weather related incidents. It was about two-thirty in the morning when I was dispatched to Lower Elgin Road to check out the report of people screaming for help in a flooded area. I came up from the south end of the road while Elgin P.D. and my Partner checked the road coming from the north. The other officers arrived in the area before I did and confirmed there were several terrified voices coming from the darkness in a section of road that was now impossible to drive through due to the high water.
When I arrived, I found a task that was unnerving, to say the least. It was dark and what once was a good road was now more like a fast moving river. It would have been in context with the moment, if there had suddenly appeared a raft full of whitewater explorers, experiencing all of the excitement of controlled danger that Mother nature could muster for such an adventure. But instead of rafts, there were only large limbs and debris being fiercely swept away, and replacing the shrieks and shrills of death-defying thrill seekers, I heard the horrific cries for help coming, from what I could tell, was at least three different people.
There was about a quarter mile of road that was unobtainable by vehicle from either side of the high water. We also knew that there was a ninety degree curve that lay between us, which made the circumstance all the more difficult. I was communicating with the other side by radio. It was difficult to determine exactly where the hopeful pleas for help were coming from or which side was closest to the terrified victims. I was told by my partner, he and the Elgin officers had made the decision to wade in and search the muddy waters on foot due to the uncertainty of how much time there would be before the vehicle and its occupants were swept away to certain doom. I agreed and decided that I would assist in the search from my side of the mayhem.
I removed my gun belt and positioned my patrol car so that I could get the most benefit from the headlights. I then stepped into the chilling waters; this was a spring rain and the temperature was solidly in the fifties this night. About ten yards into the water, it was already up past my waist. The only things I took with me were a flashlight and a radio, of which I had to ensure stayed above the water level. This made balance a little more difficult, but it was still a necessary maneuver. As I took each step, I could feel the increasing pressure trying to sweep me down with the current. I quickly learned it was best to maintain contact with the ground by sliding each foot across the surface of the road to its next position. By doing this, it helped eliminate the possibility of stepping into a hole and losing all balance and control. I had made my way about a hundred yards in and was slightly into the curve, but far enough into it that a clear view of the patrol car was no longer possible. It was completely dark ahead of me and I couldn't see much behind me. Just about that time, I heard someone yell, and it wasn't far from my location.
I shined my flashlight to the right and saw a car that was almost completely obscured by high water, and I could tell that it was sitting on uneven ground because the passenger's side of the vehicle was completely submerged, but the driver's side was higher and from the window up was still above the water. I also saw three adult males sitting atop of the vehicle. They were motioning for me to come over to them, which I thought to be a little strange. I mean, why did they think I was there, did they really think that I just was out for a swim and happened across them. Well, it was bad enough that I had three adult males that I somehow had to get back to safety, but then I saw a fourth head that was hanging across the shoulder of one of the men. It was a little boy, probably about nine years old. I think his face told the story of how we were all feeling, PANICKED!
I made my way over to them, and they were all speaking to me in Spanish, I didn't have a clue as to what they were saying. But after a few brief attempts to communicate, the youngest among us revealed he was bilingual, but I was concerned he was so frightened he wouldn't do a very good job of translating. As it turned out, he was as brave as I could have expected anyone to be in that situation and was able to bridge the gap of communication. I told them exactly how I wanted them to execute each step they took and that I wanted them to line up behind me and to grab the waistline of the back of my pants and the next guy to do the same to the guy in front of him and the last guy to do the same to third guy. I told the boy to get on my shoulders, I would carry him out. He did and I asked him if he could hold my radio and try to keep it so it wouldn't get into the water. I told my fellow cops that I was about to lead them out; so, that they could make their way back to safety as well.
Once I was confident that everyone understood exactly what I expected of them, the five of us then began to make our way slowly back to my patrol car. The boy was crying the whole time in spite of my efforts to keep him calm. He just could never gain full control of his emotions. I'm not sure but I think he may have peed on me while we were making our way back, either that or all of a sudden I was just overtaken by a warm feeling. Either way, considering the deep chill I had in my bones from the cold weather, I found it to be a great relief! The water had started receding by the time we got back within full view of my patrol vehicle, making it easier to reach safety without further incident.
Wow, I was pretty exhausted by this time. When we go out of the water, I turned around and was overcome with hugs by the three men and they were laughing and very relieved. It felt good to be a cop at that particular moment.
The boy didn't do a very good job keeping my radio out of the water; in fact, it was, fortunately, the only casualty of the night. The Elgin Police Officers all received a banquet of appreciation by the City for their part in the rescue. I was reprimanded by my sergeant for the loss of the radio. Huh, it sure is weird the way people think differently about the same set of circumstances. It was worth it just for the hugs and appreciation of those three guys and a little boy.
The following day, upon returning to the stranded vehicle, it was still there unmoved. I suppose they would have survived the ordeal without our assistance. However, the next time any of you come across high water in the roadway, I wouldn't risk it!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Toward a North American Union
http://www.augustreview.com/content/view/1/3/
Don't know much about this article but I found it interesting. Take a look at it. If anyone knows anything about it, I would like to hear what you have.
Don't know much about this article but I found it interesting. Take a look at it. If anyone knows anything about it, I would like to hear what you have.
Beijing shocked by high school sex survey
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-2542424,00.html
I don't know why anyone is shocked at anything. After all isn't that what the media has tried to do for years, shock us. That's what sells papers and movies and books!!!! Now we are a society of Life imitating Art. Not to mention it poses the question of what will they do next to shock us?
I don't know why anyone is shocked at anything. After all isn't that what the media has tried to do for years, shock us. That's what sells papers and movies and books!!!! Now we are a society of Life imitating Art. Not to mention it poses the question of what will they do next to shock us?
The Newspaper Links
I am wanting to put together an extensive list of newspapers from around the country that are online. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to let me know. I may add some world newspapers later but it would be without any purpose if there is not an English version of any given paper, so, we will have to wait and see.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Who all has a blog?
I'm sorry but I am not sure I have a complete list of the blogs out there. This is a list of the blogs I know about.
Olivia
James
Mom
Dad ( I don 't have your new one though)
Amber
Me
Jeremy
Theresa
If there are others would someone please let me know and give me the location so that I can find them. thanks
Olivia
James
Mom
Dad ( I don 't have your new one though)
Amber
Me
Jeremy
Theresa
If there are others would someone please let me know and give me the location so that I can find them. thanks
Thursday, January 4, 2007
One Night on a Highway.
Law enforcement is a strange career that affords many opportunities to experience some of the most unusual events. I have, through almost 15 years of being a corrections officer, street cop and investigator, encountered some strange things. I thought that I might from time to time share some of those situations with you all. I won't put on here any situations that I am sure most of you don't want to hear and that I would like to forget, but I will share some things that made me laugh and still have the ability to make me chuckle when I remember it, or I might put on here some of the more exciting things that I encountered. I might, at times, put things on here that caused me to stop and ponder life. The things that may have caused me to stop and think about life are not always pleasant things, but they are things that merit telling in spite of their unpleasantness.
One of the things I have been asked by many people, that have learned I have been a cop, is, "Did you ever have to shoot anyone?" The answer to that question is, no. I am very thankful for that, but without fail, when I am asked the question one situation comes to mind and these words are among the very next spoken by me. "No, but I remember the closest I ever came to having to shoot someone."
Back when I first went to work as a street cop, I was working for a small East Texas town called Tool, Texas. I worked for a guy who was the very first cop I ever rode with, Bubba Buchanan. Bubba was a good cop who knew how to deal with people in a very persuasive way without ever having to threaten or use force. That is the greatest ability a cop can have. I, on the other hand, was just out of the academy and had my ideas of what being a cop meant. Believe me when I say, at that time I had no idea how to be a cop.
On one particular night, I guess it was about 11:00 PM, I made a traffic stop. I don't really remember why, but it was probably defective equipment. That was always one of my favorites because I never liked writing tickets and no one really expected you to write tickets for defective equipment. Anyway, after I stopped this vehicle, I approached the driver's side of the car and introduced myself as Officer McEntire of the Tool Police Department. I told the driver why I had stopped him and asked to see his driver's license and insurance. In spite of my lack of experience, there were some things I learned rather quickly and one of those things was the ability to understand certain looks that associated with questioning a suspect. One thing about people, most of us react to certain things the same, and it doesn't matter that we lead completely different kinds of lifestyles. One of the things we do when we are asked questions, of which we know our answer is not going to be the one the asking person is looking for, is we prelude our answer with a suspicious grin; so, when I saw this expression come across this guy's face, I knew he was going to tell me he didn't have his license with him or that he didn't have a license at all. I was right. He told me he didn't have a license. Of course, an answer like this means I need to get some clarification. So, I asked him, "Do you mean you don't have a license with you or do you mean you have never had a driver's license?" He told me that he has never had a driver's license. Now, this guy was about thirty years old. In this country, you have to wonder how does a man make it to thirty years of age and never have a driver's license. It is possible, but the truth is, it ain't likely! Now, I have to consider whether this guy is telling the truth or not. If he isn't, which is probably going to be the case, then he will probably lie about who he is. I asked him to stand to the rear of the vehicle. I looked at the passenger who was sitting there and looking straight ahead just staring. I asked him if he had any ID on him. He said, "no." I told him that I would be back with him in a minute and to just wait in the car. He acknowledged my statement in the affirmative by a mere nod of the head. I, then, made my way back to speak with the driver. I asked him, "you know it is against the law for you to drive without a license?" There was that grin again. He said he knew that but............ I never had much use for "but............" no matter what followed. I asked him for his name and date of birth. There was a slight hesitation with the question, "My name?" One indicator that a person is about to lie to you is that they will repeat your question back to you. They do this because their mind needs just a second to process the lie. So he repeated my question and I said "yes, your name." He then gave me a name. By this time I am pretty sure that he is not telling me the truth. I told him stay there while I went back to check and see if he had any warrants. After I had completed the check on the name he gave me, I went back to talk to him. The check was negative and again that is very difficult to believe for someone of his age. I asked him once more, "What is your name and date of birth again?" Much like the first time, a hesitation followed with the response to my question, "why, is there a problem?" I replied, "well, I'm not sure." He then gave me the same name but the DOB was different than his initial one. I really don't remember if it was the day or the year that had changed but it was not the same. I also noticed the man remaining in the car, kept looking back at me. I told the driver to please turn around as I reached for my handcuffs. He backed up a little and asked me, "why?" I told him things don't seem right and I just need to make sure that everyone remains safe. I told him that he is not under arrest but this is for his and my safety. He then, reluctantly, turned his back to me with his hands behind him. As I am placing the cuffs on him, the passenger got out of the car and asked me what I was doing. I told him to get back in the car and that I would be with him in a minute. He slowly got back into the car, but he is now very focused on me and what I am doing with his partner. I then told the driver that the DOB he gave me was different than the first one he gave me. He then became very belligerent and started to yell at me saying I was lying. I told him that I was not and I told him that I had it on tape, should I play it back to him. He said, "yes." I learned then that bluffing is not a good thing to do when dealing with criminals. I didn't have a tape and by the time I gave my response of, "well, I am not going to play it for you," he knew I didn't have a tape. Now the situation escalated again. He was screaming and I was telling him to calm down but this was not doing any good. The passenger was now out of the car and moving toward us and he too was screaming at me to let them go. The driver then moved to the ditch and I moved over with him. I then pushed him to the ground so that I could control his movement. He was trying to get up so I went over and was trying to keep him on the ground. I was on my portable radio and asking for back up. I was the only Tool police officer that was working, so I knew my back up would be coming from Seven Points Police Department. I didn't know how long it would be before they could get there. I was still struggling with the driver, trying to keep him on the ground but the passenger was out and only a few feet away from me with his hands balled into a fist. He was screaming for me to let his friend up. I kept ordering him to back away. Then, all of a sudden, he turned and jumped into their car again, now, he was sprawled face down across the front seat. I could tell he was searching for something. I then got up and let the driver stand to his feet. I was now more focused on the passenger who was a much greater threat at the time. The driver got to his feet and then began running down the highway. He was handcuffed so I let him go. I then moved around so that I was positioned in a way that would allow me to get a better view of the passenger. I then drew my weapon and pointed it at him. I was screaming for him to get out of the car and show me his hands. I could plainly see that he was frantically looking for something under the driver's side front seat. I kept yelling at him. At this point, I am so close to pulling the trigger of my weapon that this guy will never come closer to death without dying than he was at that moment. I was scared and had huge amounts of adrenalin pouring throughout my body. I feared that I was about to take this man's life or I was about to lose mine. About that time I heard sirens screaming as they pulled up behind me. I guess they must have been very close when I called in for back up. The man in the car must have also heard the sirens because he then looked behind him and saw me for the first time. He saw me standing there with my gun pointing at him and shaking uncontrollably. I am pretty sure at that moment he must have realized how dangerous the situation was for him, and he then put his hands up and got out of the car. I placed handcuffs on him and the other cop drove up the road and picked up the driver about a quarter mile away.
It turned out the driver did have a DL, and he had a couple of warrants out of Red Oak, Texas. He just didn't want to go to jail. Since then I have had experiences that would probably better justify the use of deadly force, but my lack of experience at that time brought me closer to shooting a man than any other time in my law enforcement career. I checked the car after the situation was brought back under control and found under the driver's seat a knife that was about eight inches long. I am sure the passenger had plans on gutting me like a fish, if only he could have found that knife a little quicker. Thank God, he didn't. Somebody would have died.
One of the things I have been asked by many people, that have learned I have been a cop, is, "Did you ever have to shoot anyone?" The answer to that question is, no. I am very thankful for that, but without fail, when I am asked the question one situation comes to mind and these words are among the very next spoken by me. "No, but I remember the closest I ever came to having to shoot someone."
Back when I first went to work as a street cop, I was working for a small East Texas town called Tool, Texas. I worked for a guy who was the very first cop I ever rode with, Bubba Buchanan. Bubba was a good cop who knew how to deal with people in a very persuasive way without ever having to threaten or use force. That is the greatest ability a cop can have. I, on the other hand, was just out of the academy and had my ideas of what being a cop meant. Believe me when I say, at that time I had no idea how to be a cop.
On one particular night, I guess it was about 11:00 PM, I made a traffic stop. I don't really remember why, but it was probably defective equipment. That was always one of my favorites because I never liked writing tickets and no one really expected you to write tickets for defective equipment. Anyway, after I stopped this vehicle, I approached the driver's side of the car and introduced myself as Officer McEntire of the Tool Police Department. I told the driver why I had stopped him and asked to see his driver's license and insurance. In spite of my lack of experience, there were some things I learned rather quickly and one of those things was the ability to understand certain looks that associated with questioning a suspect. One thing about people, most of us react to certain things the same, and it doesn't matter that we lead completely different kinds of lifestyles. One of the things we do when we are asked questions, of which we know our answer is not going to be the one the asking person is looking for, is we prelude our answer with a suspicious grin; so, when I saw this expression come across this guy's face, I knew he was going to tell me he didn't have his license with him or that he didn't have a license at all. I was right. He told me he didn't have a license. Of course, an answer like this means I need to get some clarification. So, I asked him, "Do you mean you don't have a license with you or do you mean you have never had a driver's license?" He told me that he has never had a driver's license. Now, this guy was about thirty years old. In this country, you have to wonder how does a man make it to thirty years of age and never have a driver's license. It is possible, but the truth is, it ain't likely! Now, I have to consider whether this guy is telling the truth or not. If he isn't, which is probably going to be the case, then he will probably lie about who he is. I asked him to stand to the rear of the vehicle. I looked at the passenger who was sitting there and looking straight ahead just staring. I asked him if he had any ID on him. He said, "no." I told him that I would be back with him in a minute and to just wait in the car. He acknowledged my statement in the affirmative by a mere nod of the head. I, then, made my way back to speak with the driver. I asked him, "you know it is against the law for you to drive without a license?" There was that grin again. He said he knew that but............ I never had much use for "but............" no matter what followed. I asked him for his name and date of birth. There was a slight hesitation with the question, "My name?" One indicator that a person is about to lie to you is that they will repeat your question back to you. They do this because their mind needs just a second to process the lie. So he repeated my question and I said "yes, your name." He then gave me a name. By this time I am pretty sure that he is not telling me the truth. I told him stay there while I went back to check and see if he had any warrants. After I had completed the check on the name he gave me, I went back to talk to him. The check was negative and again that is very difficult to believe for someone of his age. I asked him once more, "What is your name and date of birth again?" Much like the first time, a hesitation followed with the response to my question, "why, is there a problem?" I replied, "well, I'm not sure." He then gave me the same name but the DOB was different than his initial one. I really don't remember if it was the day or the year that had changed but it was not the same. I also noticed the man remaining in the car, kept looking back at me. I told the driver to please turn around as I reached for my handcuffs. He backed up a little and asked me, "why?" I told him things don't seem right and I just need to make sure that everyone remains safe. I told him that he is not under arrest but this is for his and my safety. He then, reluctantly, turned his back to me with his hands behind him. As I am placing the cuffs on him, the passenger got out of the car and asked me what I was doing. I told him to get back in the car and that I would be with him in a minute. He slowly got back into the car, but he is now very focused on me and what I am doing with his partner. I then told the driver that the DOB he gave me was different than the first one he gave me. He then became very belligerent and started to yell at me saying I was lying. I told him that I was not and I told him that I had it on tape, should I play it back to him. He said, "yes." I learned then that bluffing is not a good thing to do when dealing with criminals. I didn't have a tape and by the time I gave my response of, "well, I am not going to play it for you," he knew I didn't have a tape. Now the situation escalated again. He was screaming and I was telling him to calm down but this was not doing any good. The passenger was now out of the car and moving toward us and he too was screaming at me to let them go. The driver then moved to the ditch and I moved over with him. I then pushed him to the ground so that I could control his movement. He was trying to get up so I went over and was trying to keep him on the ground. I was on my portable radio and asking for back up. I was the only Tool police officer that was working, so I knew my back up would be coming from Seven Points Police Department. I didn't know how long it would be before they could get there. I was still struggling with the driver, trying to keep him on the ground but the passenger was out and only a few feet away from me with his hands balled into a fist. He was screaming for me to let his friend up. I kept ordering him to back away. Then, all of a sudden, he turned and jumped into their car again, now, he was sprawled face down across the front seat. I could tell he was searching for something. I then got up and let the driver stand to his feet. I was now more focused on the passenger who was a much greater threat at the time. The driver got to his feet and then began running down the highway. He was handcuffed so I let him go. I then moved around so that I was positioned in a way that would allow me to get a better view of the passenger. I then drew my weapon and pointed it at him. I was screaming for him to get out of the car and show me his hands. I could plainly see that he was frantically looking for something under the driver's side front seat. I kept yelling at him. At this point, I am so close to pulling the trigger of my weapon that this guy will never come closer to death without dying than he was at that moment. I was scared and had huge amounts of adrenalin pouring throughout my body. I feared that I was about to take this man's life or I was about to lose mine. About that time I heard sirens screaming as they pulled up behind me. I guess they must have been very close when I called in for back up. The man in the car must have also heard the sirens because he then looked behind him and saw me for the first time. He saw me standing there with my gun pointing at him and shaking uncontrollably. I am pretty sure at that moment he must have realized how dangerous the situation was for him, and he then put his hands up and got out of the car. I placed handcuffs on him and the other cop drove up the road and picked up the driver about a quarter mile away.
It turned out the driver did have a DL, and he had a couple of warrants out of Red Oak, Texas. He just didn't want to go to jail. Since then I have had experiences that would probably better justify the use of deadly force, but my lack of experience at that time brought me closer to shooting a man than any other time in my law enforcement career. I checked the car after the situation was brought back under control and found under the driver's seat a knife that was about eight inches long. I am sure the passenger had plans on gutting me like a fish, if only he could have found that knife a little quicker. Thank God, he didn't. Somebody would have died.
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